I've changed completely to withinamorta! See ya!

I changed blogs! www.withinamorta.blogspot.com

But I'm still going to blog here though. The other one is for pics and some random stuffs I just had to get of my chest. My life=playradio.blog

Wonderwall

Wow, you know I certainly felt like dying of some brain-melting syndrome throughout the fucking afternoon cooped up in the fucking room. SHITE I FUCKING NEED AIR. Life's a bitch. ;(

But it's the scissors to my fucking throat

My eyes are like about to close now but I am going to resist this lingering sleepiness cause it's tgif! I screwed SS and my life, my whole shitey life. You know, I can't help feeling all this accumulated sadness well up in me. I need therapy!!!

With eyes closed, her heart breaks

I am feeling kinda sad now. I was actually sad the whole day cause it was kind of a miserable one, like those other same, torpid days. I really feel like just rubbing off all those thoughts away from my mind but they are so fucking insistent and makes me afffgegeg. Oh fuck, I am only up to one eassay on diplomacy and deterrence for SS shite!

Writing her ballad

OMG. Who is this fucking perasan minah??!

Urgh I have been through a turbulent of terrible, demoralizing emotions the past few days and when I think back about them, I was so fucking silly! I am ultimately an ingenue for having even had such thoughts! But really, I hate it when you're friends with someone and they are all nice and friendly to you at one point, and suddenly a stranger the next. I mean just stop it. If we are really friends, then start acting like one and stop being so muddle-headed. If you don't want to be friends, it is so fucking fine with me. We all need closures in our lifetime. Right, Z? (:

AND OMG THERE IS THIS FUCKING PUSSY WHO PUSHED HIS CHAIR SO FUCKING FAR AWAY FROM ME LIKE I HAVE A FUCKING DISEASE. YOU THINK I EVEN WANT TO SIT WITH YOU, FUCKAH??

K whatever, I am not angry anymore with you two pussys k! (:

Every where we turn, more hatred surrounds us

Just now in Compass, I watched Lion Dance with mummy. The lion was uber cute and we were sitting on the flour, watching through the holes of the railings. It was fun but it made my legs ache.

Ok my hormones are getting more fucked up by the second.

If this is our last night here

Huh, I was like happy a moment ago but now I am not at all. Chemistry just about killed me for the second time, I am hormonal and I am just fucking sad cause I lost my "Cool as fuck" badge. Oh god, I love that badge! I don't like losing my things cause I have a certain...I don't really have a word for the emotion. But the things that I have each have a fraction of me embedded on it. I know I am weird shut up.

It was a great day actually. My feelings just screw up everything.

You are the moonlight of my life.

(: MORE!

My beating heart only beats for you

PHILLIP ELLIS GOSH HE IS SO FUCKING HAWT.

I walked for miles.

Fuck I don't know why but I am feeling so fucking pissed right now, I could hurl profanities at anything now, even my pillow. Argh why do I have so much anger in me??! ZULAIHA WHY YOU DIDNT REPLY MY MESSAGES?! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO 18 CHEFS AND HAVE FUN! Huh k bye.

Pauchy.

OMG!! I got a fucking A1 for math test!! Like first time in dog-years. I am so affghehe relieved, I felt like kissing T in class when I got paper back. But I didn't hah.

Right so lots of things happened in the week as always. Same old, same old. Okay I don't feel like typing now. I am racking my brains for some little phenomenal event that happened in the last few days. There was one when I got A1 for trigo, then my classmate got nose bleed and blood splattered all over the floor, he was directly beside me and I was blood-queasy. I felt light-headed and felt like I was floating. Urgh, I failed chem chibai.

Kk thats all bye!

I wrote a song for you

My muscles all feel cramped after the HRC thingy manzx but it was super fun bahah. I actually kind of enjoyed it cause all the CIs were nice and all and the Flying Fox was the fuck. Though I was actually so fucking terrified of it cause we were supposed to seat at the edge of this fucking tall building, I felt like dying. Then it was all pumpy adrenaline, fuck yeah!

Omg internet what the fuck!

I had to find you, tell you I need you

I am eating Meiji yogurt fuck yeah!

The week's been pretty shitey and I feel so fucked up by the end of it, I just wanted to break down. Some fucked up kid messed with me and thought I would treat it as a fucking innocent joke. But I didn't want to protact it further so whatevs. Chemistry just about killed me and lessons were a drone. Oh god, AND I STILL HAVE SATURDAY TO GO THROUGH FUCK. Just kill me somebody.

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you

Nice.


Mahhh...I feel like a bully hah. I keep asking favours from everyone. I hope my biology paper is ensconced beneath Ms Lee's file! Or else I'm dead. Huh what if the paper flew from the pigeon hole?! Oh god I am in paranoia.

The chem test fucking tired my brain cells out like no tommorow. Oh and I got 23.5/30 for English OMG! First time I got an A1 for Comprehension paper fuck yeah!

Holding on to silly things

Lookbook

Omg this is so fucking hot manzx. He's sixteen from Manchester! Fuck why aren't there any hot Singaporeans like these?? Why Why Why???! I feel, feel just so bereft. :(

We've all been lost for most of this time

I had a real scary dream just now and it involved so many people I've seen, known and loved in my life that it felt like being in an over-cast movie. I actually had fun today and Ole was pretty good. My group had P, YY, CW, JW, EC, J and Tau! So we had to pick up the stuffs the residents had gathered in the black shitty plastics we distributed the other day and it was raining bad! We had to share umbrellas and I got soaked a little in the rain. I didn't bring much of the bags and the guys did most of the lugging. It was super funny god I had to supress pee. We waited in the vd after finishing all the units and we read the old newspapers the people had donated. Finally the recyling truck came and we sold all the stuffs fuck yeah!

Okay why am I giving a play-by-play? But it was truly fun besides the shite weather and having to wait thirty minutes before we got dismissed. And this is our last year of Ole omg. I am lucky I had one of the best times of my life. :)

Are you there god? It's me, Margaret

I feel so affgehehek. Just feeling like ripping my ulcer from my fucking mouth that hurts whenever I eat or swallow and just makes my mouth all sore and dry especially in hot afternoons. Why?? Suddenly I just feel like spending the rest of my days praying to god and just wear my telekung without anything underneath forever until I am old and crippled. At least I'll be at peace. :[

if only I had something to look forward to every morning when I force my lids open and brave the cold of warm showers. But I am thankful I still have Mummy and my lovely bffs (so primary school!) So I will try to be happy. For myself.

Our hopes and expectations

Alright... I just read the weirdest blog ever and I feel so weirded out cause this girl is just fucking contradicting herself. She's from my school and I really don't fancy her from the start. She keeps preaching and preaching about stuffs and telling people how she's so much better in her religion when really, are you doing any good by doing so? Talk about something you find discomforting and loathe it so much but hell you're fucking doing it too! And fuck her posts are just so fucking dreary, I don't know what else to say. I know your efforts of praying 5 times a day and doing cyer ceramahs on your blog is to alert us muslims but really, really. I rather watch TV1 Forum Hal Ehwal thanks. :) (and I do watch it, having been forced by my mum and I have a somewhat crush with one of the uztaz since I was like a kid hah).

Clearly I am unnecessarily pissed with this one. Well, I blame myself for reading her blog and getting all heaty about it. Tisa, next time don't read and get angry okay.

No more nights, no more pain

Fuck I feel all fucked up. Hormones? Fuck you. Why do I still have this fucking thing stuck onto my chest like elephant glue-insistent and brings up such abomination in me? What is it that I'm lacking, really? Because I think what I really need is an answer to finally relief me from all that trouble and hurt I've been feeling every time I look at them.

If anybody bothered, the comment box is readily awaiting your responses. (And don't try to tell me publicly/face-to-face with the usual, irritating, "Kau okay tak?"/ in school/ anywhere out of this fucking blog)

I thought I wanted a kick-vagina start first day of school but everything turned out wrong. It was raining in the morning and I had to shield myself with my bag which is now marred by the moisture. I hit my knee later in the bus though I am thankful there is even an empty seat just waiting for me to hit my knee on. I ended with a fucking bruise. I had a uniform crisis in the bus stop as I waited for my third bus to arrive and ship me into the horror that was SCHOOL. I shifted my blouse around which suddenly seemed two sizes too big and didn't cling to my body right. I was sure the skirt was sabotaging me in a way to get revenge after pricking its fabric so many times in the past years to eradicate my insecurities a tad. I felt awful as I walked along the slick-wet pavement toward the same, aged blue gates, passing the same, old security guard and dodging through same old people in the long-orphaned attempt at a 'cafe'. The day was spent with repressing a non-existent throb in my head and wishing the holidays hadn't ended. But it fucking did and I am fucking stuck in this room with the malfunctioned air-conditioning. FML.

On the bright side, I spent the day before the abysmal 2010 with Z. We went raiding for The Cathay which was actually right before our fucking eyes. The shops there are 123495959 better than the ones Tampines has to offer. Really. We bought tickets for Alvin and decided to have lunch. There wasn't any halal sushi which we coveted so much so we ended up eating LJS. We bought snacks but didn't finish any during the movie. There is only one word to describe it : Cute. We took the bus to watch the sunset, taking silly pictures and just talking along the way. We talked about everything. And there weren't any sunsets as we waited, appalled. It was just us, some joggers and the world looming over us.

I had never loathed a year so much in my life than this.