Your destiny may keep you warm

OMG I was so damn tired today at school manzx. Like I already felt like sleeping in the bus while I stand (and there was this stupid guy who was like standing so close to me and I can barely breathe) and in the hall after tmeperature taking, I tried to take a nap but T kept disturbing me. But I am happyhappy cause we didn't have to run 2.4 today and we had to do mass pt!! which was like so fun. Kept laughing while trying to do man pushups. OMG I am eating too much now. I had like three meals today?? and I still feel hungry. :( And guys in my class are trend-setters. They made this new sport thingy of jumping over tables. It was so hysterical when T wanted to borrow E's poa tb and he told her to get it herself. So we went to his seat and we got scared cause J was like brooding(????) in his seat and like in his own world of emoness. So we were like laughing and slapping each other in the middle of the class cause we were scared/it was funny. So T wanted to take the book from the other end because we were scared and it took such a long time to just get one pathetic book. But seriously uh, J intimidates me and T!! Stop it with the expressionless face/ constantly droopy eyes. Scares people, well at least us, you know!!
Ok I am off to bathe. :D

You'll never change what's been and gone

Today was dull, dull, torpid, torpid. Got back english compo, highest manzx. First time getting a 16/30 and 23/30 in my life on 2009.Best. I always knew this year was going to be a carbon copy of the previous ones so no shocks there. And huh, I feel so detached from the class, feel like going out of that hellhole(cliche,cliche) like after every lesson and just slacking in the toilet cubicle. But I suppose I am making progress academically and a tad socially. But some people, I can't help hating. No shocks there either.

I want want want to go to a concert someday after exams. If Oasis, Coldplay, Avenged, Embrace(like seriously doubt)or Muse would come to Singapore, I'll go!! But yeah, I would have to drag someone with me cause I hate being alone :( And I can't wait for shopping!!! I need to get clothes, Mummy's day present, shoe bag, Periodic table wallet...Can't wait, can't wait. :D

Should I cut my hair? I feel like sick waiting for it to grow to desirable length. I feely like watching Gong too. I was mad about it like back when I was in my P6 cause of Kim Jeoung Hoon!!!! OMG hot manzx. But he's like super old!!



cute like nsjdnkcnirfd

I even bought a chinese mag which I can't decipher a shit of cause I <3 him too much!!! And it costed 6 bucks!! But there was a HUGE post of him. :D Mummy threw it. :(

Over taking me you're racing

I went for the bio study thingy with G, C and T and I like finally understood some stuff. Anyway, I am like super happy with my marks, manzx!! Geog- 20/25!! But POA not so happy cause I got like a B3 but no matter cause I am still aiming for my A1 and I am more determined to study harder and not slack!!! :D And I am so proud of myself cause this is like the first time I actually ever get an A after two years taking geography. Okay so like an update on my academic achievments:

Geog-20/25 (A1)
Chem-33/40 (A1)
Math-14/20 (A2)
POA-26.5/40(B3)

I think I made improvements!! Shall study today, focusfocusfocus!!! And <3 class clique. And should I go to Cambodia???

Trapped in by all these mountains

Yay, I managed to wake up in the morning cause Mummy was dragging me to go jogging with her. So I did without bathing. She wore my Mindaaktif shirt cause I super hate it now cause it looks super big on me and it so super raggish. I didn't run cause the weather was a boosha and I was still semi-conscious. The park was lovely, the waters were like shimmering. So went to Mac to get coke and walked home. I am going to T1 later for fun cause Mummy and I have no lives. I am studying bio now cause I am having a test on Monday. :( But I am not an emo and I shall not stress myself!!! :))))))

Elevators and half-priced sales

Huh, I give up, you. I thought I had the guts to tell you, but I don't really. You intimidate me and I abominated the lucid feelings I have for you. I pondered over you when you don't give a fuck about me. God, am I an imbecile? I know I don't deserve you because I am not perfect, but heck who is? I suppose I am afraid of dissapointment and evident embarassment. I observed you from a distance and exhorted myself to stop but the feelings just fabricated themselves into painful sentiments. We barely spoke to each other and I don't know you at all, and I wandered queerly to myself-how did this happen to me? You are nothing special to me but an even macabre image, but how? How could I think about you every single day and ridicule myself with a thread of excruciating possibilities? You, you make me covet for your presence and cadge for your absence. Please, don't treat me as though we don't know each other at all. Perhaps a smile would have satiated me but I never expected that of you ever. Because I don't want to keep telling myself lies and unachievable hopes. I just pray I can forget about you. I want to stop crying my heart out for something as stupid and pointless as this.My heart feels like it had been toyed with and it had been wholly my fault. I had marred my own feelings and I just hope you're happy. And people, I don't need consultation from either of you. Don't ask me who I am talking about cause I am never going to say. Don't ask me about my post, or any of those that I have written, because I just loathe insensitivity and blatantness.Moot point.Keep your queries peripheral to my personal life to yourself, please. Thank you.

Sok san one kerd

Ahhh. I am super super boredddddd. And I don't often fancy writing two posts in a day but I have nothing else to do, manzx. Noone is online and even if there are, I won't be bothered to switch from my ever favorite Appear Offline status. And I need Cokeeeee. eventhough I drank a whole bottle already. :( Wo yau he Coke!!! (sp?) And I need to speak to someone urgently!! But he is nowhere to be seen!! Huhuhuh. People are enjoying their lives and I am rottingggg. And the weather is lkfhfklfhfnke. I want to start being emo lah. Haha. :S

Yakinkan aku, Tuhan, dia bukan milikku

I am like supposed to be emo a while ago but I am not now. :D Sleeping kills all the grief that has been repressed in my thread of thoughts so I recommend napping, emos. So tests. POA: flunked. SS: flunked. English: Passable I suppose. Chem: PWNS. 33/40 fuck man! I deserve a new Crumpler bag at least? Haha. Which will happen in 19228834 years. I am happy that the tests are over cause it has been swigging fun out of me. OMG. I was in the crowded 27 bus full of HOT HOT AHBENGS!! Like seriously. HOT. But their faces all look oddly similar to each other. Huh, and I embarrased myself by dropping stupid Lakerol on the floor. :( I realize I tend to switch topics to completely unrelated matters. :o

I tend to make this a long post but I have nothing else to say. Ohohoh. I miss my primary school best friend, manzx! Should I talk to him? God, I barely even know him now. Havent seen him in 2+years. Sad...I hope he's taller than I am now.

And I lost my specs!! I can't see at all and Mummy's not buying me new ones until next month. :((

If you love me, why don't you let me know?

I am not enjoying life like I promised I would but I am still happy I suppose with the way life is going on. I ever thought that if I had written a whole novel about my life, they would actually sell like hot cakes. But then again, my sentiments retreated when I mulled over that everybody's lives are similarly strange and interesting in their own ways that wouldn't make much difference from mine. Stupid I know. And I am liking my place in the class now. :D But I hate tests and running. And I am getting more comfortable with my class eventhough I should have fit in a long time ago. I guess I am a late bloomer that's all. And Friday..man, I hope it won;t be ruined cause I've been looking forward to it. I am supposed to be looking through the POA answers now. :( Byebye.

Ughughughhhhhhhhhhhh. I am going to screw my POA. But I can't! I have to get my A1 back or I am a burnt sardine. I keep missing out stuff for the Trading Profit amd Loss Account. Huh, and did I mentioned? No I havent. I hate people who pretend they're so demure. Huh don't put on an act lah please. That is so superficial of you. I'd rather be myself, my BAD, BITCHY self. That is what I am right? Hah. Fucking say it to my face then.

By a carnival of idiots on show

I am dead manzx. Goddddddd, I haven studied for geog cause I was too cooped up with copying notes cause the existing ones were shit and I only know ONE pathetic cause of enchanced greenhouse effect. And I totally forgot it now. HUHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And I haven't done BIO MAN! Ahhhhhh, someone help me leh! I told you I want to enjoy life, not pressuring over geog tests and bio projects. Grrrrr. And I rotted in Malay class again. HUH. I wished I had taken chinese instead for mt. During Primary 1, I was given an option to study it cause I took mandarin in pre-school and all of the teachers taught I was chinese heck. But I stayed in the malay class instead, interrogated by my stupid classmates and stupider teacher why I didn't go to chinese class. OMG. Fucking stupid man. And when I was in Sec1, Mr Hazmi asked me, "You mix ah?" And I said, "yeah, my father is chinese" and he believed it!!!!! When actually my grandma who is japanese+chinese. I would have a surname right if my papa was chinese??? Godzx. Anyway my face don't resemble my mom at all so last time, no one believed I was my mum's daughter. HELLO. I AM NOT ADOPTED. I JUST LOOK LIKE MY FATHER WHO IS MALAY CUM JAPANESE CUM CHINESE. I hate it leh if people speak to me in chinese. I just want to shout at their faces, " I AM MALAY LAH OMG".But I don't mind ah cause I will protract the conversations some nyonyas will struck in bus stops in mandarin I know. But if I start to not understand, I 'll just straight up say I am Malay haha. And they will have these shocked faces and ask me why I still talk to them in chinese. -.- Dah bagus tu aku cakap ngan kau! And I feel insulted okay if people say I am not related to my mum. Super angryyyyy. (Haha this is like comptely unconnected but whatever). This is completely mind-relieving man. And is there anything wrong with me liking ah bengs more than mats? I am multiracial kay. :D And after reading this, some people might think, "eh si diatu nak act cina jer. Konon-konon muka tak macam melayu". Whatever you want to say lah. This is my blog righhhtt. Haha.

I was killing before killing was cool

Ah, having bad headache cause of that garlic bread. You know when I was a kid, I ate like three onion rings and I barfed in the Burger King itself?? Embarassing right?? And I was wearing the scarlet turtleneck my sister bought for me in England. Sad seh it was the first time I wore it and it already smelt of my indigested onion vomit. So in later years, I found out I can't eat too much oniony/garlicky stuff cause then my stomach will be queasy and I get the king of all headaches. And I love onion rings and garlic bread but I can't have too much of them or I'll end up rolling in bed, helpessly ill. Pityyyyyyyyyyy.

Ok so today was like another day. Boring as always. Lessons, teachers, all the same faces. And I have yet to have done my bio project which I have no idea what. I just want to finish my geog notes and studyyy. I am such a boring, aged fagggggg. And I have no nicey bags to wear tommorowwwwwww, manzx. Okay, relax, Nat, all's going to be good. Urgh, and hi5 is wayyyyyyy better than that krayon crap on Suria. Haha!

Dipsy, Po

Huh...I am hating Malay class more and more!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont seem to be able to interact with my classmates and I have a mostly shitty time there most days that leaves me drained and sleepy. And Maths OMG. I was practically napping through the droning lesson. I want Mrs Wee back cause her shrilly voice keeps me awake!! Ack, I am still deciding whether or not to use my tote cause am currently sick of bagpacks. Tommorow shall go self-training for 2.4 cause the test is on thurs. (panic, panic) Ah, I can't be more bothered. Friday, I cant wait!! I want to go T1 and buy pretzel, yum. And and and...a few more days to shopping with darling Zulaiha. We can't sleep just thinking about it!! Suddenly I am missing my primary school friends! Should I talk to them?....NAH! Haha. I want to enjoy life lah, not being cooped up in a room with people I barely know and stressing about tests. GOD.

No dream could prepare a heart for a lifeless friend

Uh stress stress stress!!!!!! I have a fucking bio test tommorow and a fag of me to have known it just today. I have so many things to do and I like have only a few hours left and yet I am still bothered to steal the lappy and update. I haven't done math, goeg notes and bio of course. God, I am so gonna flunk my Os. And a faggier part of me still is thinking about establishing a blogshop when I should be grieving over my 16/30 fuck. HElPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. But I still am going to cause I need serious kachings for shopping for pahang trip!!! I sound like a fucking happy person. Which I am haha. Ok shut up.

And did I mentioned?? I super hate emo, depressed people lah. Haha!! Aku redha. (lame inside joke with Mummy)

(F)

Hiiiiiiiii, sorry I have been locking my blog. I just posted some controversial posts I was sensitive enough to have it for my own personal view.:O So just now was the npdp.Went out with Mummy cause she wanted to go to Bedok to get her ready baju kurungs for some jemputan and my jeans :). Waited for Zul in the busstop with Mummy and talked crap with her. Really, I feel she was born just fifteen years ago. She can be such a crazy teenager that I forgot she is my mum. So met with Zul and had lunch. Went to Popular then to get nicey papers for... Then took 291 to meet up with Sec1s. Weather was draining sweat out of me and we were getting late. The buses were also lagging so we decided to take a cab. Reached changed and hopped into the bus. Felt like puking the whole way. So waited longlong until the parade began. Okay I guess. Yeah okay. Okay I am practically squinting my eyes. Sleepy!!!

Thoughts are haunting me as I looked around

Hahaha. I didn't ran 2.4 today!!! Cause was lucidly lazy and unbothered to train my stamina-draining legs. And I love the data logger that was like a computer but an innumerable times better! I actually enjoyed today's Spa cause tetek wasn't there and it was fun/last Spa for this year!! cause they're shredding the old, pitiful building. I am gonna miss my times in the labs. Hah! Had bad hair day today and didn't tie my stupid hair cause it will look stupider. And ZH was so bad, he imitated my voice again(I know it sounds like act-cute okay but it's not! I was born with a naturally cute voice haha!) and said I didn't run! Which I did but he was insulting me! Haha. He said I walked around the whole way which I didn't even do. Champion.

I am listening to a song I can't fathom at all. Just a few aged guys who wants to act young with their bodyful of tatoos screaming about 'darkness surrounding'. (Avenged) Haha!!! No they're good okay. I was just, yet again, humoring myself. I know I am mad. Shut up.

Miles away from those I love

Today woke up at 6.50 like normally on Wednesdays and had to STAND in the crowded bus. Reached the hall first as always and I saw two boys bully campus superstar Jarod Lee haha! Okay so I didn't soak up a thing during Elect History but I am so super sad cause Thong Chai-thai friend- is going back to Thailand on Friday!! and today was his last day in malay class. Huh like so sad, felt like crying but I would look stupid. So Cikgu gave us colored cards and we wrote messages for him. Haha I asked whether he has a girlfriend and he blushed! Yeah stupid of me. Kob kun, for your ever fun presence, Thong Chai! Oh and and and and and....













the crude feeling is coming back again and I failed to rid of it

Knock me out everytime they touch me

Halo! I have a new Thai friend yay his name is Wei Sian but that is not his Thai name. He Muay Thais OMG! Then there was this performance during assembly and omg the trainee like super hot like nskedekfdkfd. And he's Thai like duh, student too! I so want to meet him and his English is like okay when he spoke on the mic to introduce himself. We had to vote for the Exco just now and during FT when Lei Mee was absent(like for the 11218923739 time) me and E had to count the votes. Boringgg. And I want to wear contacts! E wore colored ones and I was jealous. There is Chem test tmr! Sad I only knew today.

And POA...byebye to your A1, Natasya.

Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth

Went to Tampines1 and spent twenty bucks(only!!) on colour-colour bangles and sweet elastic headbands! Gonna wear on Mandeh but it still feels kinda weird cause I am not used to them yet. Oh wells. I am deciding on the best Mummy's day gift and I need to save! I have eighty bucks on me which I would split into half. Half for me to buy stuffs(shoe bag, mine is like two years old already!!, and studs) and the other for mummy. She says she likes the Mango bag we saw last week so MAYBE I'll get that for her.

I need to start revising gah. And my ovaries are being good sports today.

I'll always be waiting for you

Hi happy good friday to those who celebrates it (I have no idea who)!!!1

Today am going to slackkk. Went to eat breakfast just now and had mass shitting when I got home. Pain sioll. Going to Tampines1 with Mummy later and get cute stuffs. Ciao!

But with all that we've been through, after all this time I'm coming home to you

I can't believe we lost today to Chai Chee Sec!! Those guys looked like bastketballers. o.O So when we were about to leave the school, took group photo then Sumardi was taking this dumb video which actually is funny. He thanked Jun Wen for getting the participation trophy haha which sounded so real. It was drizzling lightly when we walked out and the rain became super heavy when we were walking to the zebra crossing which was super far and it felt like we were doing a roundabout. So walked in the rain which was really fun and the guys even strolled, act macho only. ZH was a kind abang, he lent his umbrella to J and me. But I still got wet. Then talked nonsense in the busstop and they ajak me go mac but I am broke with only enough coins for bus fare. Took 291 and took free shampoo from the door hangers along the handles of the bus. ZH said he use Silkpro which was very 'good' and 'nice smelling' and told me to smell his hair. And J was like "you sweat so much already" but he still insisted. I alighted while the guys went to mac interchange for lunch. I was like super hungry when I got home cause I haven't had a proper meal for three days now and Mummy cooked baked beans which looked/tasted like camp food yuck! So didn't eat and went to buy chicken roll instead.

Okay bye!

It's empty and cold without you here

Huh I am super duper nkekdbefbfrf tireddd. Had training last tuesday and my body ached like mad cause we were on our feet for almost three hours! I didn't sleep well at night cause at one moment, my feet was itchy like it had been bitten by a huge crazy mosquito and I actually thought I had chicken pox. I was like scratching but I didn't know if it was a dream or not cause it was like so dark and I am only partially conscious. So I woke up and my feet were totally fine. Weird.

Went to the briefing for the games day with Amirah, Farhana, Vernon and Shi Yong. Was sweating like a pig-pork. Then went to have lunch and home. And I am proud of myself for paying attnetion during hardcore geog! :)
And I am going to flunk Malayyyyyyyyyyyyy.

And I have also succeded in keeping track of my diet! Havent had a proper meal in two days! Macho or what?

Sometimes life is altered, won't turn out right, can't turn out right

I feel like I am neglecting my English for biology and mathematics and I haven't even mastered them yet! Arghhh...I almost loathe exams but god, it sounds so cliche just stating that. So yeah, I only almost hate them. Okay lame. Tommorow I am so not eating!!! Eating is what I truly hate. I had sandwiches(fat) and laksa(fatfat). Ok I am not going to blog about my weight cause people might think I am an imminent anorexic. Huh so sleepy...okay I am going to start on my procrastinated sales journal. Bye!

It takes some silence to make sense

So I am going to try to blog like normal, happy people do. Today went to Bedok to get my presumably skinnies to get properly tapered. Then went to eat breakfast with Mummy. Didn't finish the mee goreng and played with my food. Ranted out to Mummy about my innumerable string of problems and went to Tampines mall to grab some stuffs. Bought a cute Mango tee and a couple of assesment books I have yet to flipped through. Bought black ear studs. I love shopping man. It's addictive like a bout of heroin. Ate ice kacang(fat) and walked about. Sat outside mac and insulted passer-bys with Mummy. Went home, sleepy, and changed. Slept till 7. It made feel triple horrible but I suppose I am well-rested. And and and

















I am going to talk to him.

Man are becoming more corrupt now, godless, wicked and cruel

Life has been boobs. I can't feel any rotten. Sometimes I just wished I could blog happy stuffs about my days like those other people I hungrily envy because this piece of shit is filled with my mundane morbidity. And what makes it even sadder is that there is no one in the world to cheer me up that I feel like hanging myself dead with bicycle chains.