I may be paranoid, but not an android

I should like panic. Tommorow is the fucking poa test and I don't know a fucking thing about the journals stuffs. :O Panic, panic, panic at the fall out(inside joke). Wahlao I feel so bad about myself. Not commiting myself to the things I promised to do. Or maybe they are not the things I should be doing in life. Maktub.

Maktub

I can't be anymore sadder. Yasmin Ahmad, who thought me lots of lessons in life though indirectly has died. When many people are counting on her for guidance and peace for once in their lives. We won't be sad for your leave. Yet happy because you'll finally be able to meet God.










Semoga Allah melindungi mu.

This is my final fit, my final bellyache

Fuck I feel depressed. Like a fucking drain. I don't think anything can make me happy anymore, satiated even. It's been a long time since I am feeling this and somehow, I feel like I am not used to this horrible feeling. I don't even know what happiness is anymore. Fuck emotional siak.











<3

Adat

Yesterday was like bizzare. Went to Mac Whitesands for study group with Z,T,S and F. Ordered double chocolate and cinnamon melts. Then chatted and managed to do one ionic equation only haha. Shopped for shampoo and adopted a dolphin. :) Then me and Z went to the playground to play swings and I am noob at it. Can't make it go any higher. Called the rest to join us. Then there were like a group of wannabe soccer players who played on the field across from us. Two of them asked if we wanted to join them (not) and if we wanted to we could tell it to this lesbian person who looked like a jantan. So I asked if he/she was jantan or betina and the indian said the person was a heshe. Then like five minutes later, the other two came bitching at us. The betinajantan and fatso babat terkeluar nak act cakap pasal adat padahal sendiri mulut longkang ketiak berkerak. She was wearing fucking fbts with thighs resembling cottage cheese(aku rase cottage cheese lagi mulia) and the other was fucking claiming she's a 'woman' and 'not fifteen'. I don't have anything against gays but if you are one, then say it. You don't have to claim you're a woman or beradat when you dress like a fucking man. Does dressing a jantan and having countless piercings a muslim do-able even? If you want to act like a guy, bandage your tits or have piercings, I don't give a fuck because you free to do anything with yourself. But just do it with a little integrity and reflect on yourself first before judging people and contradict yourself.

So the moral of the story is...Ask youself wherever you go: Do you consider yourself beradat? Do you even know the definition of it?

A heart that full's full up like a landfill

Ok, ok. I am back by popular demand!! (haha whatevs.) So I am like old now. Serious. 15. And 20 years from now, I'll start counting down the days to sagging skin and boobs. Got neat presents from friends. Z treated me sushi!!! Haha she act confident only but like I finished most of them. Got duck thingy with wanwan from mir and far. And SWEET Diva bracelets from Gen and Christine! Thanks thanks. I love the bangles cause its vintage+sweet. Ok I am going to thank her on her blog. Then thanks ah for the people who wished me happy bday. (But I have my evil sentiment for those who wished me happy bday haha!!)Mummy bought me Topshop bag. :) Ok talk about presents boring lah.

Yesterday Eighteen Chefs. Got this super hot waiter. Super hot. Serious. He look like Bill Kaulitz. Only less gayer. Then when home around 7 ish. The previous day I had this anorexic moment when I didn't ate and slept and got this super headache and felt like throwing up. I can't even walk properly then asked Mummy to rub my tummy. Pain like nkdeodeohff.

Yay I passed my chem test!! 26/40. It is a miracle.